Dare To Be Yourself
by mutedwhispers
Summary: After a confrontation with Kurt over Blaine's conformity, Blaine remembers what made him lose himself in the first place. While Kurt vows to help Blaine rediscover himself, Blaine succumbs to the shadows of his past. Klaine slash
1. Reflecting on the Silvery Lights

**Disclaimer: I do not own Blaine or Kurt, but if the writers want to borrow any Klaine plotline from me, they're more than welcome to!**

**mw: For readers who have read any of my previous fanfics, this is slightly darker and definitely more angsty (although fluff is not entirely nonexistent) This chapter is very Blaine-centric and focuses a lot on his past - future chapters will involve much more Klaine. The whole series is four chapters which I have already written for a fic exchange, but I figured I'd also post it here if any of you are interested!  
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Dare to Be Yourself

Chapter 1: When The Silvery Lights Shined Brighter

Two chattering sophomores strolled past a short, curly-haired boy who sat alone on a marble bench. Blaine stared after them, his breath clouding in the mid-March starlight. He felt the bench grow cold underneath him as wind rustled through the trees of Dalton Academy's courtyard.

In that minute, he wished he had not said anything to Kurt. Any time he spoke his mind he always seemed to end up regretting it. If he had kept his mouth shut, maybe Kurt would be sitting here beside him, leaning close for warmth instead of storming away.

The whole debacle had all started with a relatively harmless comment, or so Blaine had thought. It was a Friday evening, which meant students could put away their Dalton uniforms for the weekend and pull out their own personal clothing. Kurt had chosen this evening to wear a particularly eye-popping new number that resulted in gaping stares when he walked past. Not fond of all the attention they were receiving, Blaine had asked him if maybe next time he would consider toning down his style just a bit.

To his surprise, Kurt had turned to him and hissed, his blue eyes flashing, "I am so freaking sick of your attitude, Blaine! I thought the point of a 'no-bullying policy' was so that people could be proud to stand out and respect one another as individuals, but you are all screwed up clones! And you – Blaine Anderson – I thought you were different, but you are the worst of all! You have no style, no opinion – you might as well not even exist!" With his face contorted in disgust, Kurt turned away from his boyfriend. The heels of his Dior boots clicked against the wood floor as he left Blaine standing alone in the hallway.

Blaine pulled his blazer closer around him for warmth; Kurt's words hurt, but he could not deny their truth. In his eagerness to escape the horrors of his previous school, Blaine had been willing to compromise whatever identity he previously had to assimilate into his new home. After all this time of acting and speaking the way he assumed others wanted him to, the curly-haired boy could not recognize what he himself wanted anymore. Hot tears began to well in Blaine's eyes, but he pushed them away, willing himself not to cry. The more he was with Kurt, the more he felt himself slowly losing grip over their relationship. After just over a month of dating, it became clear that Kurt was not the scared boy Blaine believed him to be. Rather, he was a strong-minded individual who lived life on his terms regardless of whether or not others approved. Blaine admired this quality in Kurt, but the more he saw it, the more he noticed his own lack of self-confidence.

He felt like such a hypocrite for preaching about being open and comfortable in one's skin when he avoided stating any opinion or acting in a manner that might make people dislike him. Yes Kurt was haughty and proud, but he never pretended to be any more than who he was.

Those furious blue eyes flashed again in Blaine's mind. He could feel the other boy's respect for him slipping away: _"I thought you were different."_

_'__Now that he's realized how pathetic I really am, what could he possibly want with me?' _

Blaine shuddered at the thought of Kurt leaving him, realizing just how much control the other boy held over him. He needed to start pulling away or he would only allow this boy to break his heart. And that was something Blaine did not think he could live with.

"Blaine…" The smaller boy's head snapped up instantly at the familiar voice. "Why are you sitting in the cold?"

Blaine felt his heart melt when he saw his boyfriend standing before him, arms crossed over his chest, eyes filled with concern. "Because I feel deplorable for ever suggesting you should be somebody less than the amazing person you are." He admitted while the boy sat next to him and slipped one arm into his.

"I know you are and I'm sorry too – I didn't mean to say all those horrible things to you Blaine." Kurt mumbled, laying his head on Blaine's shoulder.

"No you did, and it's all right because…you're right Kurt. When I first arrived to Dalton…I was pretty messed up." Blaine inhaled sharply before letting out a shaky breath. "I wanted to fit in somewhere so bad. When I came here and people were willing to overlook the fact that I am gay, I became willing to do whatever it took to preserve their good opinion of me. Now I honestly don't know who I am anymore…" Blaine laid his head on Kurt's as he added hesitantly, "You deserve somebody better Kurt and I would understand if you don't want to date me anymore."

"What?" Kurt scrunched his nose before sitting upright. "After all the work I went through to make you my boyfriend you seriously think I'm going to toss you aside after learning you aren't perfect Blaine?"

"Maybe." Blaine admitted hesitantly.

"Don't be so facetious." Kurt rolled his eyes, before leaning forward to kiss his boyfriend on the lips. He pulled back slightly and ran his fingers through Blaine's dark curls. "I love you Blaine and because I love you I want to help you. We can learn who Blaine Anderson is together ok?"

"I would like that very much." Blaine mumbled, his throat thick with tears as he pulled the other boy into a tight hug.

"It's settled then! Tomorrow I'm taking you shopping!" Kurt beamed with enthusiasm. "Come on, we better head to bed so we can get an early start – we'll have our work cut out for us!" The taller boy stood up and began to pull Blaine with him.

"Thanks, but I'd like to sit out here a few more minutes if that's ok." Blaine smiled softly; amused by how his boyfriend seemed to think shopping solved every problem. "How did you find me anyways?"

A sheepish grin colored Kurt's face, "I can see this section of the courtyard from my window and saw you brooding out here…Needless to say I felt somewhat guilty for snapping at you."

"Ah I knew this bench seemed like a nice spot for some reason. Go ahead - I'll be right in." Blaine promised.

Kurt looked as if he was going to say something but changed his mind. He kissed Blaine on the cheek before walking off into the darkness.

Blaine stared after his boyfriend and sighed before looking up towards the black sky

_'I remember a time when those silvery lights seemed to shine so much brighter.'_

The luminescent stars winked mockingly at him in return, but perhaps he was only imagining things. Blaine sighed. Surely he hadn't always been like this? As a boy Blaine had been like any other, he enjoyed playing with trucks and wrestling in the dirt with other boys his age. He never had a particularly keen sense of fashion and while he had a good understanding of the female mind, Blaine attributed that more to moderating the hormone-induced catfights between his older sister Camille and their mother. He had even grown up immersed in the world of competitive sports thanks to his father. While Blaine never had the large stature of a football player, he dribbled circles around most players on a soccer field. So what ever led Blaine to think he was gay in the first place?

A shudder traveled down Blaine's spine as a tall, lanky blonde formed in his memory with freckles sprinkled across his sun-burnt nose and green-brown eyes that glittered.

"Sean…" Blaine murmured under his breath as he revisited the memories of his childhood again, except this time the dominant figure in every frame was the boy who had been his best friend.

...

Blaine was six years old again, playing with yellow Tonka trucks in the sandbox behind his house. Sean sat beside him spouting a variety of _Vroom_ and _Beep_ sounds in the way only a child can. Two years later, Blaine and Sean were jumping on the couches and acting out scenes from Power Rangers that led to them tousling around the floor until one of their exasperated mothers sent them outside. Then they were eleven, playing on a youth soccer league – Blaine kicked the ball to Sean and watched as the boy slammed it into the goal. Both boys hugged each other tightly, cheering at the top of their lungs despite sweat plastering green jerseys to their backs.

It was not until they were thirteen that Blaine began to think there might be something different about him. Both boys were walking back home from school as they had done every day for the past five years when Sean exclaimed under his breath,

"Dude, did you see Amanda today? She was totally wearing a bra that made her boobs look huge!"

"Uh yeah…" Blaine murmured uncomfortably, readjusting his backpack. Actually, he had not noticed his classmate's burgeoning bosom, because he'd been too busy admiring Sean's blonde curls in the seat ahead of him and wondering what it would be like to touch them.

"Hey do you ever you know…have issues when checking out girls?" Sean asked, a blush spreading across his face.

"What kind of issues?" Blaine asked, his brows knitting together in confusion.

"You know…" Sean said and glancing around furtively before adding, "Getting a boner."

The thought of his friend with a hard-on sent waves of unfamiliar warmth towards Blaine's crotch.

"Sometimes I just can't help it…and then at night I can't forget about it and you know…touch myself." Sean licked his lips nervously.

Additional images of Sean stroking himself instantly made Blaine rock-hard and he cleared his throat, hoping the other boy would not notice the effect his words were having on him. "Could we not talk about this right now?" Blaine's voice came out in a bit of a squeak.

"Why not?' Sean demanded sharply, an embarrassed flush spreading across his cheeks.

"It's just...all this talk of hot girls is kind of making me hot." Blaine joked feebly as sweat began collecting on the back of his neck.

Sean's face immediately spread into a devious grin, "Geez Anderson, you're such a perv! By the way, Lily was totally making eyes at you today in math class! She may not have boobs, but she has a really pretty face. I'd get with her if I were you!" He punched Blaine lightly in the shoulder.

Blaine tugged on his t-shirt collar, "Uh thanks."

That afternoon, Blaine told Camille what his friend had said and asked if he was strange for not thinking of girls like that. The seventeen-year-old girl suppressed a grin before reassuring him: it didn't mean anything strange – some boys became attracted to girls earlier than other boys. Blaine thought about asking his sister if it was normal to get hard when thinking of another guy, but some part of him knew that it wasn't. Instead, he bit his tongue back in shame.

Blaine tried hard to like girls, he really did – because it was all Sean was talking about anymore: Girls he thought were cute, girls he wanted to see naked, girls he wanted to…do things with. Despite Blaine's best efforts, he did not feel a romantic attraction to any of them. Instead he became increasingly aware of his interest in Sean. Whenever the boy was around him, Blaine felt his palms begin to sweat, his heart to race, and his mouth stumble to form coherent sentences, but the tall bronze boy never seemed to notice.

One night, the summer before their freshman year of high school, Sean stayed over at Blaine's house. This night wouldn't have been different except at 2 in the morning when Blaine just wanted to get some sleep the other boy whispered:

"Hey Blaine, do you have that laptop your folks gave you for high school?"

"Hrgh? Yeah…why?" Blaine asked, fighting to stay awake as he rubbed his eyes.

"Because I have a treat to share." He whispered in delight, reaching for his backpack and pulling out a DVD. Blaine could not make out the title in the dark, but he could see the dark figures of two women intertwined together.

"A movie?"

"Psh, more than a movie – it's porn! One of the guys from football practice lent it to me!"

"Oh" was Blaine's only response. Sean had been recruited for the high school football team, which had already started practice over the summer. Blaine wanted to be happy for his friend, but it meant they got to spend less time together, not to mention none of Sean's teammates seemed to like him. They stared at the shorter boy with a flinty-eyed glare that suggested they knew his secret. "Sure, let me get it out."

Blaine couldn't help but be surprised by his friend's excitement as the boy inserted a pair of headphones into the laptop before setting up the movie. Blaine didn't even care what the movie was about – two women completely naked and doing things to each other that aroused no interest in him. Rather he was entranced by Sean's reactions. Both boys were lying on their backs, the laptop between them – each boy with one ear bud in his ear. A glazed look came across Sean's eyes as he reached down to palm the growing erection in his pajama pants. His soft grunts and pants sent blood pouring down into Blaine's cock.

Sean looked over at Blaine lustily, "Do you…ugh…mind if I take my pants off?" His voice thick with need.

Blaine shook his head, not trusting his mouth to form words when he saw the other boy's cock stand upright against a net of thick curly hair in the faint light of the computer screen. Blaine gasped slightly as he saw Sean's hand trace the head of his exposed length, before pumping it gently. Unable to restrain himself any longer, Blaine slid his hand under his own pajama pants, fumbling to close his fingers around his already weeping erection. Minutes later, he heard Sean's breath speed up and saw that the boy had closed his eyes, spurts of white cum coating his exposed stomach. The sight alone sent Blaine over the edge. As Blaine felt the pounding of blood in his head subside and glanced at Sean who grinned back at him, he became aware of two things: Blaine Anderson was in love with his best friend and Blaine Anderson did not find women sexually attractive, because he was gay.

The boys had similar sleepovers throughout the rest of the summer: Sean had nowhere else to safely watch his borrowed porn while Blaine couldn't wait for his friend to jack off next to him. It had gotten to the point where just the anticipation of the other boy coming over to his house made Blaine hard. However once high school started, the fun and games ended. Sean became even busier with football and his new blond girlfriend from the cheer-leading squad. The sleepovers ended when Sean stopped watching porn because his girlfriend was willing to satisfy his lusty appetite. Instead, he would rehash in explicit detail all the things he and Kelly did with a bravado that made Blaine cringe.

Without his best friend, Blaine felt completely lost and unsure as he navigated the high school hallways. Eventually he joined the school's glee club and was surprised to find how much he enjoyed singing and performing. With the spotlights shining on him and people cheering in the audience, Blaine felt himself come to life. Even Sean came to one of their performances and told Blaine he "looked pretty cool." Those words alone had the curly-haired boy giddy for days. But the more he became involved in show choir, the more Sean pressed him to start dating.

"Dude, Valentine's Day is in a couple weeks, are you thinking of asking any girls out to the dance?" Sean asked as Blaine waited for him in the locker room to change after football practice.

"Not really. Why?" Blaine shrugged, not sure why it mattered whether or not he dated any girls.

"Look I think it's cool that you sing and dance and all…but a lot of the guys have been making smart remarks about you being gay since you joined glee club." Sean mentioned, pulling on his shirt and jeans.

Blaine felt his shoulders tighten in apprehension, "Do you think I'm gay?" He asked, the word bitter and metallic in his mouth.

Sean shook his head with a hearty laugh "Of course not, I told the boys how quickly you come when watching those porn flicks with me." He pulled on his socks and sneakers before tying his shoelaces.

Blaine's mouth turned dry, his stomach churning loudly. His hands felt stone cold and yet hot sweat began to collect under his armpits. This was it. This was the moment he could finally tell Sean the truth. He stared down at the linoleum tiles of the locker room before looking back up at Sean, "What if I told you it wasn't watching those girls that made me come?"

The blood drained from Sean's face, "What are you saying Anderson?" The taller jock backed away slightly as if to stave off an unknown blow.

In that moment, Blaine knew it was a mistake, knew this wasn't going the way he wanted…but the words came tumbling out of his mouth anyways in a breathy whisper: "I think I'm in love with you."

Sean's face contorted into one of pure revulsion as he backed away even further from Blaine "You mean all these years when I thought we were just friends you were having all these secret gay fantasies?" When Blaine advanced towards him, attempting to apologize, Sean snapped. "I bet you were even thinking of me as you lay jacking off next to me! Weren't you, you filthy fag?" He slammed the smaller boy up against his locker, one of his hands clenching Blaine's shirt until his knuckles turned white. "Did you fantasize about me sticking my dick up your ass? You sick freak!" He slammed the boy against the metal locker again.

Tears began to roll down Blaine's face, "W-why are you d-doing this t-to me? I t-thought we were f-friends."

Sean's face softened slightly, just for a moment, before it hardened back into a flinty scowl. "We were…until you decided to open that mouth. This is your fault Blaine. We could have been friends…but you ruined it." Sean pulled away from Blaine, causing the boy to crumple in a heap on the floor. He slung his sports bag on his shoulder and headed towards the door, before turning back to face Blaine, "The next time you see me I suggest you run unless you want that faggy face of yours bashed in." The door slammed shut behind him, leaving Blaine to cry alone in the broken afternoon light.

...

Blaine felt the tears threatening to resurface as the icy wind whipped his face but he wiped them away. He had forgotten how all the bullying had started and now that he remembered, he wished he didn't. Images of football players slamming him into lockers and bruising him where they knew it wouldn't show assaulted his mind – each and every incident instigated by the boy who had been his best friend, the first boy he had ever loved. Sympathetic expressions from faculty members who told him they couldn't do anything while he slinked through the halls in terror. The overwhelming feeling of isolation.

The memories were too horrible for Blaine to bear. Like Pandora, who had opened the box containing each of mankind's ailments, Blaine wished he could catch and imprison every dark memory that haunted him only to be their victim. Instead, he did all he could do: Blaine suppressed every shove, every slur, and every sneer into the depths of his brain until they were removed from his conscious thoughts. With a shaky sigh, he stood up and began walking towards his dorm, pausing only to glance at the window above him where a tall shadowy figure watched him. Blaine waved towards the boy with a soft smile, before heading back towards his room. The yellow curtain fell back in place against the window.

**Blaine: Oh my God...how could you make me so depressing?**

**Kurt: I think it adds more to your character and I have to say the inner tortured aspect of you is very attractive.**

**Blaine: Kurt, I think you need to put away Wuthering Heights**

**Kurt: Oh Heathcliff I will haunt you for the rest of you days!**

**Blaine: Please don't, I'm not into ghosts**

**Kurt: Ah such a pity, there is epic and iconic love found in tragedy!**

**Blaine: Yes well I'd rather just enjoy being alive with you like normal human beings.**

**mw:Ok...Bronte rant aside I hoped you all have enjoyed the first chapter and let me know if you want me to post others in the future! The next one is not quite depressing, I promise xD  
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	2. Something About You

**Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story minus Sean, my own invention, belong to me. I'm just a loving Klaine fan xD  
**

**mw: Hey everybody! It's weekend so I thought I would post a second chapter. It is not quite as angsty as the last one, which I hope didn't depress anyone too much  
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-Chapter 2: Something About You-

"Blaine!...BLAINE!" Kurt called, rapping his fist against the boy's door.

"Just a sec." Blaine muttered, yanking a white oxford over his head as he pulled on his uniform slacks before stumbling to open the door.

"How can you not already be dressed? I have been up since six 'o clock this morning moisturizing and selecting today's outfit!" Kurt sighed, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Not all of us…get up at the…crack of dawn…to get dressed…" Blaine answered, hopping around the room in an attempt to pull his socks and shoes on quickly, much to Kurt's amusement.

Kurt waited while Blaine tucked in his shirt, pulled on his blazer, and tightened his tie, but when the boy headed towards the bathroom, he had enough and began to pull the boy out the door.

"Enough. We need to get to the store before the morning rush."

"But I need to shave and my hair is a complete mess!" Blaine complained, struggling against the taller boy dressed in his designer couture.

Kurt stopped to seriously consider his boyfriend's comment by looking at him up and down, before shaking his head, "Unlike me you can pull off the scruffy look. It gives you sex appeal."

Blushing, Blaine allowed himself to be taken by the hand, "You really think I have sex appeal?"

Kurt threw him a smirk and arched his eyebrow, "I'm dating you aren't I?"

Upon arriving at the mall, Blaine was dumbfounded by the amount of women walking around with multiple bags in their hands at 10:30 on a Saturday morning.

_'Don't people usually sleep in on weekends?'_

"Um…so what are we doing first?" Blaine asked hesitantly.

"What do you think? We're finding you something else to wear besides that drab-looking uniform that you insist on wearing at all times. Fashion is all about expressing oneself. How one decides to present oneself says a lot about who he is. Blaine, the clothes you like can be a step towards finding out the person who you are."

Blaine had to admit his boyfriend's logic seemed pretty sound. "Ok…so what store should we go into first?"

Kurt surveyed the area. "It's been a while since I've taken a guy shopping for a new wardrobe so I guess Victoria's Secret is out of the picture."

"Unless you want to help me pick out risqué lingerie, probably not." Blaine teased.

"Now there's an idea…" Kurt trailed off suggestively before adding, "Why not go into the GAP? It's no Alexander McQueen, but I take it knee-length sweaters aren't really your style." Before Blaine could answer, the taller boy dragged him into the store.

Kurt guided Blaine towards the men's section, "Normally at this point I compose outfits for my subject to try on, but since the point is for you to decide on your own image, I think it would be better if I did not interfere." Kurt stepped back gesturing towards to the stacks and racks of clothing.

Blaine gulped, the different colors of shirts and pants blurring before his eyes. How exactly did people do this? Mom and Camille had bought him clothes before all of the time and they never seemed to have any problems.

'_Calm down…it's just picking clothes - nobody is going to judge you. On second thought...'_ Blaine eyed the diva with crossed arms that tapped his foot impatiently. _'Kurt might._'

When Blaine began heading towards the dress slacks and pressed shirts, Kurt blocked him with his lips pursed in a pout. "The point is to find something different from what you wear for your uniform."

"Right." Blaine laughed, straightening his shoulders before nervously turning towards the jeans and casual shirts.

Eventually Blaine grabbed a few t-shirts and jeans, but did not think to actually look at the sizes of what he had chosen. As a result all of the clothes were comically either too large or too small.

Kurt just about bent over howling when Blaine stepped out of the dressing room in a shirt so short and tight it barely covered his navel while the jeans were so loose they all but fell down to his knees.

"I'm trying ok?" Blaine blushed indignantly, hoisting up the pants so his boxers didn't show.

Kurt apologized in between peals of laughter, before leaving to actually grab him the right sizes. Eventually Blaine had found three outfits that both boys had deemed acceptable. As Kurt perused the clothes, Blaine headed towards the register only to be momentarily distracted by the sunglasses rack. A pair of bright pink sunglasses caught his eye and he could not resist the urge to try them on. Blaine grinned at his reflection in the mirror. He had to admit he thought they looked kind of…sexy and complemented his dark hair.

_'__Don't be nonsensical. What use could you possibly have for such a flashy accessory?' _

Sighing, Blaine placed the sunglasses back on the rack before continuing towards the register. After he paid, Kurt immediately shooed him to a nearby restroom to change while he continued shopping.

Blaine checked himself out in the mirror and had to admit he felt kind of…cool. He had on a pair of faded jeans that were just tight enough to make Kurt ogle his butt when the boy thought Blaine wasn't looking (which was really the only criteria Blaine really had for any of his outfits.) He pulled a vintage navy t-shirt over his head before completing the look with an olive green army style jacket. A white eagle with outspread wings had been printed onto the t-shirt and was faintly visible under the jacket.

_'__There. Casual, with just a touch of edginess, but still classy.'_ Blaine gave himself another look-over before grinning at his reflection. _'Perhaps I have been spending a little too much time with Kurt.'_

"So what fag, now that you have a sense of style, you think you qualify as a human being again? Do you think you can be made whole after all the damage that's been done to you?" A familiar low voice sent Blaine's hair prickling on the back of his neck as he glanced behind him in the mirror to see Sean smirking maliciously back at him.

Blaine turned around quickly; his eyes clenched shut and arms stretched out in front of him, anticipating the painful impact that was sure to come. But nothing happened. He opened his eyes only to be met with white linoleum tiles and empty toilet stalls. Turning back towards the mirror, only his pale face stared back at him – brown eyes wide with fear.

_'What is going on? Am I…losing my mind?'_ Blaine panicked, stuffing the remainder of his clothes into the GAP bag and tearing out of the restroom until he almost ran headfirst into his boyfriend.

"Ah there you are! I found you a pair of shoes – not what I would choose mind you – but I figured they'd go with the outfits you bought!" Kurt grinned, holding up a pair of black converses.

"Oh thanks!" Blaine looked down at his feet to see that he was still wearing his black dress shoes and had to smile at his boyfriend's thoughtfulness- the shoes actually did look like something he would pick out.

"And….something else!" Kurt handed the boy a small GAP bag. Puzzled, Blaine unwrapped the tissue paper covering the object to find a pair of bright pink sunglasses winking back at him. "I saw you try them on and they really suited you so I was surprised when you put them back."

"I don't know…guess I thought they were too bold for me." Blaine shrugged.

"If you really thought that, you wouldn't have even bothered to try them on." Kurt grinned, punching his boyfriend lightly in the shoulder. "Dare to be bold Blaine and even more importantly – dare to be yourself."

"Whoever that is…" Blaine mumbled under his breath.

"Cheer up Eeyore!" Kurt teased, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek.

A scarlet flush spread across Blaine's cheeks as he looked around to see if other people had noticed. "So does that make you a giant stuffed yellow bear who still manages to digest honey?

"Geez I never realized how shy you are." Kurt chuckled.

The tips of Blaine's ears turned pink, "Gay or not, I'm not really into the tonsil hockey most people seem to engage in while out in public."

"Aw…I think it's cute." Kurt teased, taking a hold of his boyfriend's hand. "Where to next?"

"Anywhere you want babe." Blaine responded automatically, but when Kurt's only response was an arched eyebrow, he added hastily "Well I have been wanting to check out that new CD store for a while."

"Sounds good to me. Lead the way Captain." Kurt answered cheekily.

Blaine rolled his eyes, but Kurt was delighted to see how animated he became once they entered the store, which was admittedly grungier than Kurt typically liked. Blaine pulled out various CDs of different rock genres, metal, indie – heck even ones Kurt didn't even know how to classify and proceeded to tell the boy numerous details about each one. Even though Blaine was very involved with the Warblers, it seemed like his fascination with music went beyond just singing and dancing, but to the very art of sound itself. A giddy feeling of infatuation swelled up within Kurt – seeing Blaine so passionate about music was pretty hot. Kurt was even more surprised when Blaine squealed over a Harry Potter poster the way he would get excited over a new line released by Marc Jacob.

"Harry Potter fan?" Kurt asked, grinning at the boy's new-found enthusiasm.

"Totally!" Blaine gushed, "I read all of the books the moment they came out and went to the midnight premieres to all of them until-"

"Until what?"

Blaine scratched the back of his head and shrugged, "Well none of the Dalton guys were really that into Harry Potter so we always saw it like a month later."

Seeing his boyfriend deflate slightly, Kurt sought a way to cheer him up. "I'm not the hugest fan, but I do like Harry Potter a lot. The last one comes out in July right? How about we go to the midnight showing together?"

The result was instantaneous: "Really? I love you so much Kurt!" With a burst of joy, Blaine kissed Kurt square on the mouth before heading off to search through more CD racks.

Slightly dazed from the unexpected token of affection, Kurt decided that he really liked making Blaine happy and would do whatever it took to ensure more 'happiness' ensued.

Blaine was wandering the store, humming 'Soul Sister' when he happened to notice the song playing throughout the store:

_…I'm Prozac numb_

_I'm wired all wrong_

_I've been shut down_

_For so long_

_Nothing gets through _

Although the haunting blend of raw vocals and synthesized piano notes were what first caught Blaine's attention, it was the lyrics that sent delicious chills traveling down his spine.

_But there's_

_Something bout you_

_That makes me cry_

_Watching you_

_Making the sun shine_

He turned his gaze towards Kurt, who was flipping through the CDs in the pop section while occasionally brushing away a stray lock of brown hair.

_Breaking the flat-line_

_Kissing my heart to life_

_There's somethin bout you_

_You kill my suicide _

How different would his life be without Kurt? Did he even dare to imagine it? Blaine's mind wandered as he headed towards the counter with a few CDs. While the cashier, a heavy-set girl with spiky magenta hair scanned his purchases, he found himself asking the name of the song.

_And I'm ready_

_To breath_

_And to hurt_

_And to love_

"_Something About You_ by Ferras, the album can be found in the right-hand corner if you decide to buy it." The girl grunted, gesturing over Blaine's shoulder.

_And to burn_

_And to crumble_

_At your will_

"Maybe another time then." Blaine mused before Kurt came up behind him, pouting slightly as he took his hand.

"Come on babe, I'm hungry…" The blue-eyed boy elbowed him before shooting the girl a glare that said: "Bitch, stay away from my man or I'll claw your eyes out with my perfectly manicured fingernails." She arched an eyebrow, but said nothing and instead turned back towards her i Shonen Jump /i magazine.

"What was that all about?" Blaine sniggered when they had walked out of the store.

"She was totally making eyes at you! It's how you're dressed…you look too straight." Kurt's lips curled down in a cross between a frown and a pout.

His boyfriend chuckled heartily, "Do you really think that girl had anything on you?" He pulled Kurt close and whispered in his ear. "In case you hadn't noticed, porcelain-skinned boys dressed in Alexander McQueen are way more my type."

Kurt shuddered inwardly at the warm breath blowing against his neck before the other boy pulled away and suggested they go to a burger joint for lunch. Kurt could only offer a weak smile in return as he fought to stave off the less than dapper thoughts of his boyfriend.

After a lunch that consisted of Blaine scarfing down a bacon cheeseburger while Kurt eyed him bemusedly over his garden salad, both boys headed back to Dalton where they ran into Wes and David.

"Hot damn Blaine!" Wes whistled, "I see Kurt has turned you over to the dark side completely!"

"Yeah, nice shades there Anderson! Bright pink – way to get in touch with your feminine side!" David added, ribbing the boy in the shoulder.

"Doesn't he just look wonderful?" Kurt gushed as he began chattering excitedly with the other two boys.

Meanwhile, Blaine felt his confidence slowly begin to wane when he noticed the stares of passing students burning into him. Even thought he consciously knew his friends were only joking, he couldn't help but feel like he was just making a fool of himself. Blaine took off the sunglasses with a strained smile before slipping them into his coat pocket. Sweat began to collect down his back, despite a cold wind wafting through the courtyard. Watching Kurt with his friends brought the memories he had worked so hard to suppress bubbling up to the surface of his consciousness:

Blaine hiding in the bathroom stalls during gym, terrified of what guys would do to him in the locker room. Coach Rugerford knocking angrily on the stall door, asking him why he was skipping class while boyish giggles resounded throughout the room. Angry phone calls home. His parents standing before him – faces taut with silent disappointment. Secrets spilling out like the tears down his face. His mother crying, his father in an outrage, Camille with a blank face that told Blaine she had known all along. Blaine begging not to go back, never wanting to see any of those boys again – especially Sean.

Blaine standing before Dalton Academy as a sophomore being greeted by two boys who introduced themselves as Wes and David.

"'mgay." The words tumbling out in a rush to Blaine's embarrassment while the two boys shrugged nonchalantly as if to say: "It's ok with us."

He felt like crying and laughing simultaneously. He promised himself to do whatever it took to ensure these Dalton boys remained "ok" with him. That moment Blaine rejected any facet of himself, which could not be embodied in the hallowed walls of Dalton Academy.

Snapping back into the present, Blaine felt his stomach churn with nausea and an eerie sensation of déjà vu. Watching his boyfriend converse with his friends, he felt himself fade into the background. Sharp bile began to burn in the back of his throat.

"Be right back." Blaine choked out before tearing into the nearest restroom to empty his stomach in the toilet.

_ 'God I need to pull myself together…Kurt's going to suspect something…I can't keep dealing with this.' _

Blaine's stomach lurched as images of Sean danced across the depths of his mind, with hair of spun gold and a devil's grin.

"Blaine?" A tentative voice asked outside the bathroom stall the curly-haired boy had holed himself into, "Are you feeling ok? You've been acting somewhat strangely today."

Blaine inwardly groaned. He wished he could just fall apart in the other boy's arms, feeling those cool hands smooth the sweaty curls off of his forehead, reassuring him.

_'No. I have to be strong. Kurt is looking to me for answers with his own problems – he doesn't deserved to be dragged down by my skeletons.'_

"I think you were right about that burger." He answered in a feigned attempt at humor. "The meat must not be agreeing with me. Don't worry though I'll be fine." With a shaky sigh, Blaine stood up, flushed the toilet, and exited the stall, before offering his boyfriend a faint smile.

"Here." Kurt offered Blaine a stick of peppermint gum, "It helps to get rid of the aftertaste."

"Thanks." Blaine murmured, his eyes glazed over with a far away look that frightened Kurt. He did not know what to make of the haggard boy standing before him.

"Maybe you should take a nap. It's only three and you look pretty wiped." Kurt suggested, rubbing the boy's back gently as he washed his hands.

"Thanks Kurt. Don't worry…I'll be fine…I'm just pretty tired. Maybe we can hang out later tonight?" Blaine asked, wiping his hands with a paper towel.

"Sure." Kurt nodded, "I actually have some Calc homework I ought to get a head start on anyways." Blaine nodded and after giving Kurt a half-hearted hug, he left the bathroom. Kurt stared after him wondering what had reduced Blaine Anderson to the mere shell of a human being.

**mw: Hope you liked it! Comments are always appreciated regardless of whether or not they're praise or criticism. Chapter 3 will be up sometime this week!**


	3. The Body Says What Words Cannot

**mw: Hello lovely readers! This chapter is a lot more steamy and not quite as angsty (although it really doesn't seem as if people like a lot of angst) Maybe I should mention, I actually wrote this fic for an exchange based on 5 different one-word prompts which I 'll include in the last chapter. My person seemed really into angst and borderline-dark Blaine which prompted me to write this. Pure angst is not really in my repertoire so I had to include some smut of course and some WAFF every now and then. Hope you enjoy!**

***Chapter 3: The Body Says What Words Cannot***

_Kurt hovered over Blaine, placing light kisses on the nape of his neck as the smaller boy arched up against him, moaning his name with eyes closed in ecstasy._

_"Don't hold back Blaine." Kurt whispered in his ear as his hand slid down towards Blaine's growing erection. "Give yourself to me completely." His hand pumped the boy's aching length, earning a throaty whimper in response. "Let me take control." He brought his mouth to Blaine's, lightly sucking the trembling boy's bottom lip._

_Blaine opened his mouth slightly allowing Kurt entrance, the boy's tongue snaking into his mouth before beginning a slow, torturous dance. Blaine could barely think, much less speak and so he allowed his body to say what words could not. He deepened their kiss, savoring the paradoxically sweet and salty taste of his lover's mouth. He ran his fingers through the sleek strands of Kurt's hair, relieved to hear the other boy sigh in contentment._

_Blaine opened his eyes slightly to see strands of blond hair tickling his nose. Wait blonde hair? His eyes widened to see Sean smirking back at him – red mouth swollen from kissing him._

_"How was that fag? Everything you've been dreaming of?" His hand began wrapping tighter around Blaine's hard length until it bordered on excruciatingly painful._

_"What are you doing here?" Blaine gasped, struggling to pull away from the other boy's grip- "Let go of me!"_

_"Now why would I do that?" Sean's deep voice remained, but the blond hair and tan skin morphed back into Kurt's face, a sadistic grin transforming his delicate features into a mask Blaine could not recognize. "I finally have you right where I want you." _

**Bzzzt Bzzzt **

Blaine jolted upwards with a start, his pulse pounding in his ears as he struggled to catch his breath. He grabbed his phone, which had been vibrating on the nightstand and flipped it open to see a text from Kurt.

**Hey, srry bout earlier. Ordered pizza if you want to come watch Sound of Music w/ me in 30 min. Luv u. **

Blaine yawned wearily before texting the other boy back.

**I just woke up from a nap. I'll head over in a little bit. Also, I love you too.**

He threw a disdainful glance towards his crotch to see that despite the frightening turns his dream had taken, he still remained painfully hard. Blaine couldn't believe himself. What kind of boy gets a hard-on from a sick nightmare in which his lover morphs into his oldest enemy?

Blaine dragged himself towards his shower, and while he considered rubbing one out to illicit images of his fair-skinned boyfriend, he couldn't even muster the energy. Instead he showered, shaved and dressed back into the outfit he had been wearing earlier. It was boring, but it was all he was, wasn't it?

As he headed towards Kurt's room, he summoned a smile on his face, stitching every layer of his gentlemanly facade back in place. When the other boy opened the door, Blaine kissed him as if there were nothing wrong before asking: "Did you get the Meatlover's one? You know that's my favorite!"

Relieved to see his boyfriend in better spirits, Kurt rolled his eyes, "Of course, I don't know why you enjoy having sliced up animals all over your pizza but by all means – it's here."

"And you even got the Cinnastix! I officially love you!" Blaine teased in response.

"Oh you didn't love me before?" Kurt arched his eyebrow in mock horror.

A grin crossed Blaine's face while he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist, enjoying the privacy of the boy's room as he leaned in to kiss Kurt again. " I did, but now I have submitted even more to your wily charms! Where's your roommate anyways?"

"Chad went home for the weekend to see his girlfriend." Kurt responded handing Blaine a plate with a couple slices of pizza while the other boy started the movie.

Both teenage boys devoured every piece of food in a matter of minutes as they debated which duet they would sing with Julie Andrews if given the chance. However, about halfway through the movie, Blaine caught Kurt staring at him – cerulean eyes laden with an unfamiliar myriad of emotions as the boy leaned closer towards him, his lips mere inches away from Blaine's.

The shorter boy shuddered in anticipation, but before he could catch his breath, warm lips pressed against his own. They felt pliant and soft – so very different from the boy who had grinned maliciously down at Blaine in his dreams.

When Kurt's tongue sought entrance into his mouth, Blaine yielded only to be overwhelmed by the faint hint of sugar and cinnamon mixed with the already familiar taste that was Kurt. Each kiss sent blood pooling towards Blaine's groin until he grew achingly hard. Somewhere in the back of Blaine's mind a voice told him to pull away and regain control before he regretted it. Instead, he fell back on Kurt's bed, pulling the other boy on top of him.

A low moan slipped through Kurt's lips when he felt Blaine's erection dig into his hip. Sure he knew Blaine had to get excited when they kissed, but the other boy had never willingly pressed up against him. Feeling Blaine hot and hard against him and knowing he was the reason for all of this sent shivers of pleasure down Kurt's spine. He readjusted himself, before slowly grinding his cock down against Blaine's.

"Mm…Kurt…" Blaine moaned, his hands cupping Kurt's ass as he began to thrust up against the other boy. His fingers ran through Kurt's soft hair, savoring the sweet yet spicy blend of ginger and white tea each silky strand emitted. God, he loved the smell of Kurt's shampoo! Blaine briefly imagined taking Kurt from behind as he showered – hot water and that delicious spicy scent surrounding them – when he felt a cool hand traveling up the plane of his stomach.

Kurt slowly lifted up Blaine's shirt, allowing his hand to trace the boy's abdomen and savoring the feel of hard, lean muscle under a faint layer of dusky hair.

"Do you think…maybe we could take our shirts off?" Kurt asked, wishing his voice did not sound quite so breathless.

The same voice in Blaine's head warned him that he was going too far, but instead he heard himself say "Sure, why not?" Blaine pulled his t-shirt over his head and waited for Kurt to shrug out of his red knee-length sweater and pale blue button-down. Kurt glanced down at himself, his face flushing slightly.

"I'm not quite as built as you are-"

"Don't – you're beautiful!" Blaine groaned, refusing to allow his lover to get self-conscious about the creamy expanse of unmarked skin he had revealed to him. He pulled the taller boy back down, feeling Kurt's warm, bare skin press up against his own.

Kurt heaved a sigh of relief when he felt Blaine's heartbeat racing against his chest. Part of him had been afraid that Blaine didn't want this – wasn't at all affected by this, but the boy's quickening breath told him otherwise. He traced Blaine's nipples lightly, watching the boy's eyes close with a hesitant whimper. Slowly…Kurt trailed his fingers down towards the prominent bulge in Blaine's jeans, enjoying the sight of Blaine arching into his touch.

"Please…" Blaine begged, his voice thick with desire.

"Please what?" Kurt tensed, anticipating the moment when his straitlaced boyfriend would tell him they had gone too far.

"Don't stop-" Blaine's request was cut off by an eager hand sliding into the waistband of his jeans and closing around his aching cock. He inhaled sharply, "Oh…God Kurt!"

"You know for someone who asked me to 'put my hands on you in your skin-tight jeans' the first time you met me, it sure took you long enough to actually allow me to get around to it." Kurt smirked. His fingers traced the head of Blaine's length, smearing drops of pre-come across the pulsing, velvety skin. His voice lowered suggestively, "Do you like this Blaine? Do you dream about me doing this? Do you fantasize about me when jacking yourself off Blaine?"

Instead of Kurt's seductive words unlocking new depths of love and desire for him, they unleashed torrents of horror:

_ Sean's face glaring back at Blaine as he pinned the shorter boy to the locker, "God…I bet you were even thinking of me as you lay next to me jacking off you disgusting fag!"_

_Those hazel eyes taunting him in the bathroom mirror, "You think you can be made whole after all the damage that's been done to you?"_

_That sadistic voice wearing his boyfriend's face in his dreams, "How was that fag? Everything you've been dreaming of?" _

"Stop! Get your hands off me!" Blaine shrieked in terror, throwing the shocked boy off of him and sending him tumbling on the floor. "I can't do this – I have t-to g-go!" His words gradually grew more and more incoherent. Trembling, his face pale and slick with sweat, he stumbled towards Kurt's door, but the taller boy beat him to it – blocking his exit.

"You're not leaving until you tell me what the hell that was about!" Kurt demanded angrily, before his face began to crumple, "What is going on with you Blaine? I know something is wrong – please just tell me! Seeing you like this, it's killing me…" Kurt begged, his voice cracking.

Blaine stared at the boy he loved with all his heart – his sleek brown hair standing up in every direction, his swollen lips, tearing welling up in those adorable baby blues – and felt the wind get knocked out of him as he fell off of his white horse. The last thing he had ever wanted to do was make Kurt suffer and yet that seemed to be all he was capable of doing…

Perhaps the only way he could end this was by being honest with himself… Perhaps the first step towards being honest with himself meant being honest with the boy who loved him enough to cry for him.

"Kurt do you remember when I told you I left my old school because of problems with bullies?" The taller boy nodded, wiping away stray tears that spilled down his cheeks. "That was only part of the story." Each horrible memory that Blaine had sought to repress wormed its way through his mouth, but Kurt never turned away from him.

"Why didn't you ever tell me any of this Blaine?" Kurt finally asked, "Any person would start to lose their mind trying to keep all of those thoughts and feelings inside him."

"I guess…I wanted to be perfect for you. You had a rough go-around at your school and I wanted to be a support system for you – one that I never had."

"Did you ever consider the possibility that maybe I could be a support system for you?"

Blaine sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration, "When you say it out loud like that it makes a lot more sense. I don't know…I felt like maybe you had enough to deal with without me dumping all my problems on you."

Kurt shook his head before giving Blaine a small smile. "I am a lot stronger than you give me credit for Blaine. While I appreciate you trying to look after me, this relationship cannot continue unless you learn how to depend on me too."

"You're right Kurt." Blaine inhaled sharply. "Can you forgive me for being so asinine?"

Instead of answering him, Kurt walked over towards his bed and slid out of his jeans so that only his boxers remained. He then pulled back his comforter and lay down on the bed before patting the empty spot beside him. "Why don't you bring that _ass _over here?"

Blaine grinned, heading towards the nearly naked boy lying in bed. He stripped off his jeans, socks and shoes before sliding under the comforter next to Kurt, who wrapped his arms around him, his legs curling up to spoon the smaller boy. Blaine purred in contentment, feeling Kurt's warmth seep into his tired limbs. He adjusted slightly to make himself more comfortably, causing the other boy to moan as Blaine felt Kurt's growing erection press against his butt.

"Could you stop squirming like that? It's kind of turning me on." Kurt whined in his ear.

"We could –uh…continue where we left off earlier if you'd like?" Blaine suggested although he was too emotionally drained to really entertain the idea.

Kurt sighed, his bare chest expanding against Blaine's back. "I'll be all right. I just need a minute. Besides you wouldn't really enjoy it right now anyways." Kurt nuzzled his nose into Blaine's dark curls, enjoying the fresh woodsy scent that was his boyfriend. His arms tightened possessively around Blaine.

Blaine rolled his eyes, "How do you always manage to be right?" But Kurt's only response was light snoring. Grinning, Blaine leaned over to grab the remote on Kurt's nightstand to flip off the TV that had long returned to the DVD menu. He placed the remote down before snuggling back up into his warm, sleeping boyfriend. Eventually, Kurt's deep, steady breaths lulled Blaine into sleep.

**mw: So after this there is only one more chapter! I'd love to hear your thoughts on this story,whether they're words of praise or criticism. I'm always trying to grow as a writer and it's your comments that help me!**


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